Tag: life

Fitness, Health, Journal

Don't Wait For The Middle Finger

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white haired man in jacket with watch
Photo by Life Of Pix on Pexels.com

Young ones (well, anyone younger than me, aka 50 and younger), please don’t be like me.

I treated my body like it was immortal: nothing I did or didn’t do would have a lasting effect. Despite the little things (which just kept building up) I felt when I turned 30 years old, I kept right on rolling, downing that Crunch Berry cereal while doing virtually no physical activity. The scale didn’t matter, how my body felt didn’t matter, all I cared about was what goody I was going to put in my mouth next to drown out my emotions. I told myself I didn’t care what anyone else thought and I didn’t. The problem was, I just didn’t care, period.

I only looked in the mirror with “tunnel vision”, seeing only my face to put on tons of makeup (to cover up my blotchy skin and apply contour to my double chin) and fix my highly damaged hair but never looking at my body. I cannot remember ever looking at my body just out of the shower.

The year I turned 42 years old, after YEARS of warning signs, was the year my body stuck up its middle finger at me and said, “I’m done”. Thankfully, I have never had high blood pressure or high cholesterol but I became allergic to just about everything, I got sick if anyone looked at me funny, and I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Through diet and exercise over the past 8 years, I have reduced my A1C from 9.0 to 5.7 (my first ever fasting blood sugar was 400). I am very proud to officially no longer have type 2 diabetes and did it on my own.

Unfortunately, there is only so much proper (for me) diet and exercise can do after 42 years of neglect and abuse. Here is a partial list of the issues I am dealing with:

  • Allergy shots for the next 5 years
  • Gallbladder removal 7 months ago
  • Severe intestinal issues that were not resolved by removing the gallbladder. I am still undergoing testing to figure out what is causing this (upper endoscopy, MRI, so much blood work the technician knows me by name). Next will probably be scheduled for a colonoscopy (if none of the current tests reveal anything).
  • Just had a TIA (mini-stroke) in my eye last week. There was no permanent damage but this means more tests (went to the lab two days in a row this week and have 2 MRI scans next week), more doctors (in addition to my allergist, dermatologist, ophthalmologist, primary care, and gastroenterologist, I have an appointment with a neurologist and am waiting for a referral to a cardiologist) AND I had to stop exercising because that TIA could possibly lead to a full-blown stroke (can you say stress?).

To be brutally honest, I have no idea how much of what is still wrong with me could have been avoided if I had cared about myself earlier in life but now, I will never know. All I can do is hang on, say a few prayers, and do whatever I can to get through this so I can (once again) start over on my fitness journey. As soon as I am given some sort of clearance, I am hitting the weights and my neglected exercise bike (there will also be some digging in the yard going on, too, since I was not able to finish planting before this all happened).

So, you young whipper snappers, please. Take a good, hard look at your lifestyle. Take into account that you will not be in your 20’s forever. Our bodies age, whether we want them to or not. How old do you want to feel when you are 30, 40, or 50? Do you want to be able to do whatever you enjoy or would you prefer to get out of breath walking to the mail box? Do what is best (not easiest) for your health now so you do not end up like me.

Current Events, Goals, Journal

To Learn, You Must Do

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It’s rare when I am surprised by anything I read online. The last time I was truly shocked about anything in the public domain was when Trump won the Presidential election. Watching the election night coverage (yes, we watched all night) was true “shock and awe.” That was the best reality show we have ever watched and the reactions were priceless (and gloriously genuine). Virtually no one expected that outcome, especially me. I didn’t vote for Clinton or Trump. I can’t stand any of the Clintons but figured Hillary was going to win no matter who she was running against. See? “Shock and Awe.”

Most of the online election aftermath has caused my eyes to roll way too much. Both sides, with their diehard supporters who never really paid attention to what their candidates actually believed, just irritate me. As much as I love the MAGAs’ dread when they realize Trump isn’t the ultraconservative they assumed he was, I really loathe those Hillary supporters who assumed, because I did not support her (and definitely did not support Obama), that I was a Trump supporter. I knew some of these people for over 20 years, yet they lashed out at me like I had suggested someone needed to start drowning puppies. They chose to ignore the fact that I had never supported any of the chosen Republican candidates that ran against Obama in both elections. All logic and reason left their overly emotional brains and (from what I have seen) has never returned.

This has never been more evident than what has actually surprised me online: they are scared and talking about arming themselves and either advocating for (or anticipating) a civil war. I have even read some hoping for a military coup. It feels like a really bad episode of the Twilight Zone since this is the same talk I saw from ultra-conservatives when Obama was elected to office except then, the “fight” was to preserve the Constitution and now the “fight” is to dismantle it (despite the calls to arm themselves). They just aren’t thinking this through. Why would they want to give up control of their lives (and their right to protect their lives) to the very people they are protesting against?

This is new territory for me. I knew what to ignore when Obama was first elected as mostly grandstanding (or in my off-line words, idiots being keyboard commandos) but I don’t know this new crop of people. I am not sure how serious they are or are they just typing all of that to make others think they are serious.What I do know is there are too many people within society who do not understand that just because they think (or say) something doesn’t mean they will always win. These people also do not understand that with every loss, there is a lesson that can be learned if they are willing to remove emotion from the equation.

I do know that, outside of the anti-Trump groups, I have noticed an uptick in worry and a desire to begin preparing for … something. I am not sure exactly what the impetus to prepare is. I do not think it really matters. Whether people are preparing for some sort of civil war, civil unrest, disruption in the food chain, nuclear war, natural disasters, or any other imagined scenario, the path toward independence and security is the same:

To Learn Must Do

You can have all the books in the world but if you have never grown a tomato plant, you will never be able to grow all the fruits and vegetables you need to sustain your family. This also applies to splitting your own firewood or baking bread (you know, actually cooking) or sewing a shirt or repairing your appliances or any number of skills you think you will need to survive any of the disastrous scenarios people can imagine.

This also goes for life in general (which was the original intention of this post). If all you do is read books without putting into practice what you read, you have learned nothing. Online marketing, SEO optimization, building your email list, writing (and publishing) a book, improving your health, losing weight, increasing your strength … none of the knowledge you acquire from any book, course, or video will do you any good if you don’t physically DO anything!

So, where do you begin? Go through everything you have learned over the course of the last year and figure out what one activity you can do today, right now. Choose just one. Then tomorrow, choose another. Slowly build up until you are practicing what you were taught (and learning what will work and what won’t). Not everything you have been taught will lead you to your ultimate goal (or end up working the way you intended). So, you set aside those things that are not working for you and move onto another activity.

The most important thing to know is you cannot control everything. You will not get everything you think you want (or things will not go the way you have planned). This is called life. You either embrace that fact or you will end up just spinning around in circles, blaming others for life not going the way you intended.

Even if you believe that the climate changing is caused by humans, what can you really do about that? Can you, personally, eliminate all excess carbon emissions from the planet, allowing your tomatoes to grow better this year? No, and even if you could, what would happen if the climate didn’t change back? What if all the scientists who support human caused climate change are proven wrong? What would you do with your life then?

We all need to focus on what we can personally change: our sphere of influence. Plant a tree, get your yard equipment serviced so it burns fuel more efficiently, stop using so many weed killers or bug sprays, pick up the garbage on your street (then the next street, then your entire neighborhood), dig up your lawn and plant food, vote for a city councilperson who embraces your way of thinking, etc. These are the types of acts that will ultimately change the world, not blocking traffic or hiding in your house waiting for the end of the world.

Journal, Tips and Tricks

Stress

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stress

You know, sometimes, things are going so well.  Everything is running smooth, the creative juices are flowing, I’m focused and on target and then BAM!  Something smacks me upside the head and somewhere in the back of my mind, this small thought takes shape, “What the hell do you think you are doing?”  Today, with everything else on my plate (that I have, I think, been handling pretty damn well), something else reared its ugly head.  It wasn’t just one thing, either.  Then, for about 30 minutes, I just sat here, mentally throwing my hands in the air and quitting.

So, I walked outside.  I took a deep breath.  I looked up into the sky and watched the hawks catching the breeze.  I spied two Chinook helicopters (OD Green with three large red crosses on the side) and thought, “Heck, maybe I shouldn’t have joked yesterday about going to war.”  See, yesterday I heard a Chinook fly by then a couple hours later, a Russian mig flew over (there’s a guy here that owns one and takes it out for a joy ride occasionally).  I joke to hubby about war breaking out.  This ramble does have a point behind it.

That ramble right there got me out of my “poor me” funk.  I giggled (it’s amazing how easily I can amuse myself), came back in the house, and proceeded to make more quilt blocks (I’m teaching myself to quilt to see if I like it and if I do, maybe I can make something to sell).  And now, an hour later, I’m am back to my old self (but less crabby than normal).  The issues I must deal with, I don’t have to right now.  Right now, there isn’t a damn thing I can do about them so I am not about to ruin this day by wallowing in self-pity and worry.

Some stress is good but stressing (instead of preparing or planning) is a waste of energy.  If there isn’t anything that can be done right now to alleviate what stresses you then go do something fun.  That’s what I’m getting back to right now.  I hope you have a fantastic weekend!

Goals, Journal, Tips and Tricks

Problems? We All Have Them.

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Now, with this new branch of my learning/growth, I’ve also discovered something else that I need to share and be more open about.  My life (the good and the bad).  No matter who we are, it’s not the problems in life that define us, it is how we have overcome them that shapes our lives and who we will become.  I have tried to keep mostly positive, never sharing when I’m having a rough time of it.  Well, I am currently having a rough time.  Just about a month ago, I found out someone I dearly love has cancer (my step mom).  It was a shock to everyone.  After processing everything and getting into a more positive place, BAM!  Not only does my husband have a gluten sensitivity (not sure yet if it’s celiac), he has to have surgery.  See, he went in for a colonoscopy, the gastroenterologist said everything went well, then two days later I get a phone call from a surgeon.  They tell me we were referred to them by our gastro and they would like to set up an appointment for a consultation. BAM!  It feels like Wile E. Coyote just slammed a huge hammer on our heads (by the way, this phone call was June 3. 2015).  Thankfully, the gastro called a bit later (thank you so much for the warning), stating it’s not cancer but still, this was a huge shock.

Now, these are not the only problems we have experienced.  We have been together for 16 years (married for 15) and have lived through some incidents that I would not wish on anyone else.  But now, I’m older and in a much better place spiritually than ever before.  So, I would like to share my insights as I learn to deal with these.

If you are human, you have problems.  Period.  It does not matter if you are the Dalai Lama or me.  To be human is to experience problems and deal with them (or not … it’s your choice).

How we deal with these problems that surface will define not only who we are but how successful we will be in all aspects of life.  No matter what the problem is, never (ever) say to yourself (as a form of comfort), “Well, it could be worse.” Worse for who?  This problem is yours and how big or small of a role it plays in your life is defined by you and your circumstances.  If someone else would react differently, saying to yourself, “Well, so and so had this happen and they didn’t get upset at all” is a way to blame/shame yourself for having an emotional response.  We are not computers, the Borg, or Vulcans (bet you can’t tell what genre of movies/shows I like).

You are allowed to be upset.  You are allowed to cry.  You are allowed to be sad.  You are allowed to get depressed.  You are allowed to be angry. 

Suppressing any of that will backfire down the road with the next challenge/problem you face.  All those suppressed emotions will build up each time you stomp them down into that hole you have created until, one way or another, they will explode.  Whether that explosion is in the form of a rage-filled temper tantrum or health issues (just think about where you feel it when you bottle up those emotions: your gut.  Do you think it’s some magical coincidence that so many people today have acid reflux disease and/or ulcers and/or intestinal issues?).

So, what are my favorite ways to release my emotions?  Lately, I’ll be sitting here and all of a sudden want to cry.  So, I let myself cry.  There have even been some evenings recently when my husband asks what I want to do (it’s usually a choice between watching a movie/television show together or playing a video game).  My answer is: “I just want to cry.”  And he says, “O.k.” and waits.  Then, I’ll usually pick a movie with lots of testosterone (Action/horror) or we’ll sit a kill demons (Diablo 3).

My ultimate favorite way to release these emotions, though, is to scream/yell.  Seriously.  I just stand outside and just let loose (I’ll do this inside if it’s too late so I don’t disturb the neighbors).  Have you ever watched the movie, “Full Metal Jacket”?  Let me hear your war cry.  I do it as long and as many times as I can until I think I’m done.

Let me hear your war cry!

So, what’s next.  Breathe.  I’m serious.  I take a long, deep breath then let it out slowly.  It’s amazing how little we breathe when we are upset.  We usually take shallow, quick breaths when we are too upset to think straight.  It usually only takes me a few breaths until I can think a bit more rationally.

Now, I ask myself:

Is there anything right now I can do to remedy this situation? 

  1. If my answer is yes, I make all the plans necessary to do it, then do it!  I don’t wait or dwell, worry or fret, I get busy (depending on the situation, Google is great for this).
  2. If the answer is no and there is nothing I can do right now to remedy this situation, I figure out a way to let it go, mentally, for the time being.  This is especially difficult if it is a health issue.  If it is, for the love of yourself and everyone around you, DO NOT CONSULT DR. GOOGLE!  That one “innocent” search could take you from having a minor ulcer to colon cancer in three clicks.

You may be asking me, “O.k., smartass, how do I just let something like that go?”  Find something, anything else to occupy your mind.  I’m completely serious.  Just make sure whatever it is takes all your concentration.  So far, since finding out about my husband’s surgery consultation, I have cleaned my neighbor’s house (it’s my neighbor, so I had to concentrate and do a thorough job), listened to 4+ hours of interviews from Hay House’s 2015 World Summit, written two small blog posts (this will be my third and longest one), meditated a couple of times (this one was the most difficult to do), done my free weight lifting routine (if you have ever used a barbell while not concentrating, you know the consequences), begun physically reading two books.

Now, I’m not telling you to just ignore whatever situation/challenge you find yourself dealing with.  Thoughts and feelings regarding it ARE going to pop into your head (and depending on the severity of the situation, this might happen quite often) but you can’t dwell on something that you currently have no solution to. Just acknowledge those thoughts, fears, or worries then let them drift right back out of your head like they are floating on a stream.

And that’s pretty much where I’m at now.  The thoughts float in, then I let them float right back out of my head (except this morning when I was trying to fix the @#$% wi-fi … that’s all I could think about, so at least I wasn’t dwelling on the bigger issue 🙂 ).

Journal

Respect for Elders

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Those words (the subject line) actually popped out of my mouth yesterday while I was mid-rant to my husband.  They weren’t directed toward him (even though I AM older than him).  I was going on and on about an incident that occurred.  Now that I’ve been thinking about it (it’s been over 24 hours, so I’m much calmer now) it really isn’t about the disrespect shown to me because I’m an “elder”.  It was the disrespect shown to me … period.

See, if you are in my house, you are my guest.  I will do whatever I deem necessary to ensure a comfortable, pleasant visit.  That is the way I am, whether I like the person or don’t.  Why would I be that way to someone I do not like?  Because I respect the person who brought them.  That wasn’t the case, yesterday.  This person I actually liked but my reaction to the situation displays how much respect I have for the person who brought them.  Instead of my typical reaction, I walked away.

It took everything within me to turn around and walk out my back door.  I do not do well with being shown disrespect from those who I have welcomed into my home (and life).  I have a few examples I’m willing to share: When my boss got within an inch of my face, screaming at me, I squared up my shoulders and yelled right back.  When my eldest was a teenager, he made the mistake of calling me a bitch to my face and I slapped him, and when my youngest was a teenager and spoke to me the I was spoken to yesterday, I let him have it (vocally) with both barrels.  I even stopped being friends with one of my oldest friends for a much smaller showing of disrespect than what was shown to me yesterday … in my own house.

So, why am I writing about this today?  Because I’ve been thinking.  🙂  What does respect mean to me?  Respect doesn’t mean I bow down to anyone because I respect them.  It doesn’t mean that I follow anyone’s advice simply to show respect.  It means that I have enough respect in myself to either show restraint in certain situations or to defend myself and those I love.  Respect means that when you are in front of me, you will never know how much I like or dislike you (unless that is my intention).  I do not demand respect from others, I expect it if that is what I have shown you.

Personal Branding Step by Step

Tim O’Brien on Personal Branding – CSUN

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I’m a huge fan of video/audio presentations.  So, while sitting here, recovering from a night of insomnia, I decided to add to my You Tube channel (actually, tailor it to this blog).  I found this presentation from 2012, given by Tim O’Brien.  He is an expert who helps people develop a successful personal brand. This is an informational presentation he gave to Business Honors Students at California State University, Northridge.

So, what makes this one any different than the websites/courses I’ve already shared?  This: “Your brand is the word or phrase people think of when they think of you.”  Well, my immediate thought was a smart-alack comment (which probably is true in a lot of cases) but I have no idea otherwise.

So, watch the video.  I love it!  I’ve also turned the video into an audio file (below the video) so it can be downloaded and listened to at your convenience.

Click to listen or download:

Tim-OBrien-Personal-Branding-UneditedDownload
Personal Branding Step by Step

Personal Branding – Who Am I? – Traits

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So, steps four and five of Defining Who You Are from The Complete Guide to Building Your Personal Brand is Identify Your Ideal Traits and discuss the results with family and friends. I looked at the list on that page and immediately thought, “Eh, I don’t know.”

But look! There is a link to a test that will tell you what your traits are! Here are my results: My Big 5 Personality Traits Results and here they are in list form:

  • You are somewhat conventional.
  • You are well-organized, and are reliable.
  • You tend to shy away from social situations.
  • You find it easy to express irritation with others (Who?  Me? Insert innocent face).
  • You are generally relaxed.

I can’t agree more with the results and I’m sure my family and friends would agree with these most of these results.  It turns out that I need to work on “well-organized” (I just found out my perception of me being organized is not shared by others) AND “shying away from social situations”.  See, there are many times when it feels like there is a disconnect between my brain and my mouth.  When I type, it’s like channeling a smart person.  When I speak, I feel like an ignorant fool (with a foul mouth).  That is what has held me back from speaking on any more radio programs/podcasts … the intellectual disconnect.  I stumble over words, have difficulty remembering proper terminology, and it comes out of my mouth as “that doo-hickey or thingamajig or whatsitsnuts”.  Then, I curse.  🙂

Working on organization will require me to get out of my own head: actually ask others for their opinions/help.  That’s not an easy thing for me to do.  I’m the kind of person who, when something needs to be done, dives headlong into a project.  I learn everything I can about how to do it properly and, if I get stuck, I just learn more (putting the project on hold).  When did this attitude first develop?  When I had a broken down car and every male who promised they would work on it didn’t.  I bought a Chilton’s and got going on it (it never ran again … contaminated fuel system) but I knew how to figure that out and realize what I could and could not do myself.  That’s when I first discovered that the only person you can truly rely on is yourself.

So, that’s it.  I’ve completed all the steps of figuring out who I am.  Now, I need to reflect on everything I’ve come up with.  That last sentence of the last paragraph kinda threw me for a loop.  I can see being that way then (single parent) but I’ve been married for almost 15 years and didn’t realize I still felt that way.  That’s not a reflection on my husband but on me.  Hmmm … need to think.

Personal Branding Step by Step

Personal Branding – Who Am I? – Passions

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This is step 3 (Defining Your Passions) from Defining Who You Are from The Complete Guide to Building Your Personal Brand and this is where my A.D.D. really kicks in.

Here’s the straight-up, actually written on paper list of what my passions are (I will elaborate on those passions that require it):

  • My husband
  • Business
  • Graphic Design – All Things Digital/Computer Related/Internet
  • Education
  • Self Improvement

Now, for the elaborations.

Business: I have been a total geek for anything related to business (in general) for as long as I can remember.  I love just about everything about the topic of business (except taxes).  I even have a diploma from a technical school (which is worth less than the paper it’s printed on but cost me $5,000) in Small Business Administration (I learned Lotus there … yes, LOTUS lol … in my defense, it WAS 1992).  From day to day administrative duties to marketing, I love it (heck, I even loved working with one office manager to develop the standards and practices that enabled the company to become ISO certified).

Graphic Design: So, the other day I stumbled onto this wonderful podcast (that I obviously can’t say enough about) Fresh Rag.  I began to browse through the podcasts when I noticed a theme (yeah, I’m a bit slow sometimes): The site focuses on artists (anything creative)… then he mentions Graphic Artists.  I decide to look up exactly what the term Graphic Artist is and that’s when I hear the angels sing.  🙂  Just about every area of interest I have falls under that category!  Take a look at the courses offered at The Art Institute of Pittsburgh and you will get an idea of what I’m talking about.  I really had no idea that everything I’ve been learning (or wanting to learn) fell under one category!

Education: No subject is safe from my interests.  Anywhere from fiber arts (knitting, crocheting, weaving, etc.) to rebuilding a car engine, I have learned it and will continue to as long as I enjoy doing it.  This past year, I have strayed from my typical “only if it’s practical I can learn it” education to pushing more creative pursuits.  I completed (framed and hung) my first ever water-color painting and now that I’m sitting here, contemplating creating a logo that represents me, I guess I should learn to draw (I currently can draw a mean stick figure, though in high school I once read that the human hand was the most difficult part of the human anatomy to draw correctly so I spent months on that one subject).

My First (and only) Watercolor Painting
My First (and only) Watercolor Painting

Self Improvement: This really could fall under the subject of education but this is more personal.  We all have issues/hang-ups and if we do not learn to overcome them, we will never move forward in our lives.  So, looking at this more in-depth, I have been on the quest of “Personal Branding” for over two years.  I’ve been working on breaking through the self-built walls in my life, pushing past my comfort zone, and learning to embrace not only who I am but who I can (and will) become.

So, that’s where I am today. Step Four of Defining Who You Are from The Complete Guide to Building Your Personal Brand is Identify Your Ideal Traits.  This should be fun!  I will begin this today so, hopefully, it will be ready to post tomorrow.  This will be posted today.

Personal Branding Step by Step

Personal Branding – Step by Step

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So, the four basic questions that need to be answered are:

  • Who Are You?
  • What Do You Do?
  • Who Do You Serve?
  • What Kind of Experience Do You Want People To Have When Your Name Comes Up?

If these four questions aren’t enough to make your head spin, then you are further down the path of self discovery than I am!  Heck, despite my first post, I’m still really on question 1.  I keep getting it mixed up with question 2.

Despite my typical learning style (glance through the questions, jump to question 4, get bogged down in the muck, realize I need more basic knowledge/information, then begin on question 1), I am bound and determined to do this one correctly the first time.  After all, isn’t that really what we all want to know?  Who are we, really?  Not the superficial facade we developed over the years to please those outside ourselves (or, for some of us, we didn’t necessarily want to please, we wanted to prove to others we are/are not who they expected us to be).

To many people out there, I am ~cough~ a foul mouthed, crude, rude, opinionated bitch who’s just itching for a fight.  I don’t care about anyone’s opinions that differ from my own.  Also, once you cross me, I’m done with you.  Period.  I saw this on Facebook and immediately had to share it, since this was my parenting style:

Doormat

To some, I am the quiet one who sits in the corner, observing.  I smile and nod in agreement despite the fact that I think what they are saying/doing is bat-shit crazy.  Actually, this is what made me so good at my role of abused girlfriend.  I did such a good job of hiding what was going on behind closed doors that still, to this day (22 years later), many still do not believe me.  Heck, even my father didn’t believe me at the time.  So, I don’t talk about it.  That’s why so few people (until reading this post) have any idea I was in such a situation.

Then, to others, I’m the joker.  I have a sick sense of humor.  I will never reveal to anyone outside my immediate family some of the things that have me laughing so hard, I begin to sob.  Without laughter, I don’t really see a point in living.  Maybe that’s why, out of all the superheros out there, I have embraced Batman the least.

So, who am I?  I know I am a mix of all three of these personas (depending on the situation) but how do I turn that into a definition of who I am?  What makes me tick?  I guess it’s time for me to pull out pen and paper because I still don’t know.  How about you?

This one has an annoying pop-up that appears every time you move the cursor too high or low on the page but I really like the way they have their guide setup:

http://www.quicksprout.com/the-complete-guide-to-building-your-personal-brand/

This one I liked because of the title 🙂 :

http://mashable.com/2014/11/10/personal-branding-lazy-guide/

And this one is by Pricewaterhouse Cooper for college students:

Wayback link

And please take a look at the links I have over there (pointing my finger to wherever my links are being displayed).  I will be adding to the list as I discover more gems of knowledge online.