Tag: emotional

Journal

What Happened?

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I have no idea what happened today. I woke up at my normal time, got everything done to make sure my husband wasn’t late for work, and did my meditation. It was supposed to storm all day today so I started watching blooper reels from the show “Supernatural,” It was a great start to what was going to be a wonderful day (I even had a topic ready for the blog)! Then this extremely dark cloud descended on me. I did my best to work around it. I started reading my next book (I just received my first Kindle on Wednesday) but it turned out I needed to read another one first. So, I grabbed that one but barely got through the first chapter (I could not keep my eyes open).

Thankfully, my son came over to visit or I would have been passed out on the couch and not sleep tonight. By the time my husband came home from work, I was in tears. What was I crying about? I have no idea and not being a crier makes it that much worse. I got angry because not only was I crying but I hadn’t written all day, had barely finished half my water, and it turns out it did not rain all day (so I could have actually done something outside).

I decided to relieve my husband of my company and go feel sorry for myself in the shower. I cried some more, then sat there envisioning the dark gunk inside me just washing down the drain. By the end of my “cleansing” this is the song that was rattling around in my brain:

I wish I could say the darkness is 100% gone but it is still sitting there just beneath the surface. Days like today rarely happen any more now that my kids are adults (and not quite so adversarial) but man, when they do it really sucks. I would love for every day to rainbows and sunshine but I guess we need the occasional rainy day so we can truly appreciate those sunny ones.

Journal, Tips and Tricks

Stress

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stress

You know, sometimes, things are going so well.  Everything is running smooth, the creative juices are flowing, I’m focused and on target and then BAM!  Something smacks me upside the head and somewhere in the back of my mind, this small thought takes shape, “What the hell do you think you are doing?”  Today, with everything else on my plate (that I have, I think, been handling pretty damn well), something else reared its ugly head.  It wasn’t just one thing, either.  Then, for about 30 minutes, I just sat here, mentally throwing my hands in the air and quitting.

So, I walked outside.  I took a deep breath.  I looked up into the sky and watched the hawks catching the breeze.  I spied two Chinook helicopters (OD Green with three large red crosses on the side) and thought, “Heck, maybe I shouldn’t have joked yesterday about going to war.”  See, yesterday I heard a Chinook fly by then a couple hours later, a Russian mig flew over (there’s a guy here that owns one and takes it out for a joy ride occasionally).  I joke to hubby about war breaking out.  This ramble does have a point behind it.

That ramble right there got me out of my “poor me” funk.  I giggled (it’s amazing how easily I can amuse myself), came back in the house, and proceeded to make more quilt blocks (I’m teaching myself to quilt to see if I like it and if I do, maybe I can make something to sell).  And now, an hour later, I’m am back to my old self (but less crabby than normal).  The issues I must deal with, I don’t have to right now.  Right now, there isn’t a damn thing I can do about them so I am not about to ruin this day by wallowing in self-pity and worry.

Some stress is good but stressing (instead of preparing or planning) is a waste of energy.  If there isn’t anything that can be done right now to alleviate what stresses you then go do something fun.  That’s what I’m getting back to right now.  I hope you have a fantastic weekend!