This question is central to Gordon White’s teachings (of Rune Soup) , and something I ask myself every day when I am beginning to feel the weight of everything (from physical, real-world tasks to news headlines to all of this *waves my hands around in a circle*). Asking myself, “What is mine to do?” grounds me in a way nothing else has. This simple question centers me, draws me inward, and helps me focus on my true goals and desires.
I set some goals this year, and was doing pretty good. In March, I began slacking on them when some health news shook me. It set me back but I think I needed that time to just stop, think, regroup, and plan. That’s when I started (and finished, I hope) fixing my website. I went through every page, replaced pictures, fixed links, prettied up the recipes, deleted a ton of posts that did not need to be posts, and as of 4 hours ago, I am done! Having said that, if you see anything wrong, just let me know.
Then today, I repaired my ugly potato planter (I used wood that we had gotten free and it warped even more once water was introduced to its environment, so I put in some corner brackets), and removed some conduit that wasn’t being used by anyone but some carpenter bees (I still don’t know why they chose conduit over the abundant amount of wood). I cleaned up the mess (me AND the yard), then sat down here.
You see, Gordon White passed away. He was so much younger than me (he’ll always be 27 in my eyes) and his passing has left a gaping hole in my life. I didn’t realize just how many times throughout the day I thought about him until there were no more posts, stories, photos, observations, Buffy or Lord of the Rings references from him.
I have been a fan-girl of his for many moons (was amongst the first Rune Soup Premium Members), although most of his teachings flew right over my head in the beginning. To be brutally honest, some of them still do. However, I have learned that my learning style is “in my own time.” When I am ready to truly learn, something will click and then I am off to the races! I will eat and breathe nothing but that subject until I am dreaming about it. I absolutely love it when it happens!
I promise, there is a point to this post. I used to be completely obsessive about everything else going on in the world. EVERYTHING! I would be on the computer for 14 hours a day, reading this news story, or verifying that report. This took a toll on my health and my relationships with my children and husband. I slowly started pulling back and was almost living a “normal” life when I stumbled onto Gordon White. He helped me to see how a life can be lead while not hiding my head in the sand about all of the current events. I learned how to observe them without internalizing them. I learned how to control my knee-jerk reactions and overinflated ego: exactly how was I going to affect global crises?
Through Gordon White, and with the wider Rune Soup community, I learned to live in this tumultuous world without letting it consume me. I learned to take accountability for the things I was truly responsible for and learned what I truly had to ability to change. My focus became similar to the Jewish tradition of charity (Tzedakah (צְדָקָה): Charity starts with you, then your immediate family, then extended family, then local community, and ever widening from there. This charity doesn’t simply revolve around money. It’s so much more than that. It’s allowing your focus and attention (or intention) to be on something you can do to improve circumstances.
In other words, I learned what is mine to do. I learned that stressing or raging over current events was only feeding the energies surrounding those events, while depriving myself and my family of the simple, enjoyable things in life like an attentive mother and wife, real food to eat instead of fast food, general repairs around the house actually finished, plants thriving instead of barely surviving, healthier lives, happier lives, and that is all thanks to my favorite perpetually 27 year old wizard shaman friend (and our little RSPM Scooby gang).
Now, amongst all of the wars (and rumors of wars) out there currently, ask yourself:
What Is Mine To Do?